Demos, Coffee, and Lies

Tonight Ian recorded some demos in the dining room as I sat on the couch listening and doing some reading. We drank some coffee, I out of a coffee cup I apparently paid a quarter for at a thrift shop (as evidenced by the ".25" written in permanent marker on the bottom of the glass), Ian out of a pint glass. I'm continually impressed by his ability as a songwriter and a musician. I need more evenings like this one. It was a fitting end to a day that began with a much needed breakfast conversation with my friend Mark. I think I need Mark. I think I need to learn how to interact with the Lord the way he does. This morning he pointed to some things in me that I've been feeling for a while and have been unable to realize. In our community meeting this week I made a statement to the effect of, "I'm naturally a sad person." This morning Mark told me he almost responded to that statement with "That's a fucking lie!" I'm really glad he didn't say that then. I probably would have shat myself. He basically said as much this morning, although a bit more gentle and affirming. And I realized as he was sharing this with me, that he was speaking the word of the Lord to me. While I may have a natural bent towards melancholy or depression due to being born in a dead body, the Spirit of the Lord is not that. It is love and joy and peace--three things I have felt little of in a while. And, unfortunately, the Spirit's something with which I feel no familiarity and have very little sense of how to find my way back. But I get the sense that Mark does. I have fallen into agreement with the lie that I am some things I am not and for my very life I've got to find a way to separate break that agreement. So I think I need Mark. And I think I need Ian. Something in watching both of them do what they do well shines hope into the fog I've made my bed in.