My New, Old Face and the Desert
The picture posted below is what I look like right now. First time I've seen my face in somewhere around two years. It happened Friday night. Went in to have a trim (which involves going into the bathroom to give myself a trim) and came out without much left. At first I was pretty freaked out. I kept having to remind myself that prior to growing a beard no one thought I looked like some sort of gargoyle. Now, though, I kinda like it. I'm sure that we haven't seen the last of Red Beard. However, Red Beard was apparently looked ugly, unhappy, overweight, and old. At least, that's what I have deduced from the constant comments on how young, skinny, happy, handsome, etc. I now look after the cut. But at this point it's alright by me. At least, I look like what I really am and have always been.
Separate from the loss of half of my face, I'm headed to Tucson, AZ friday to work with some church planters there. I got that "excited/scared" feeling. Like 98% excited, 2% scared. Or maybe it's more. It could be, it could be 98% scared, 2% excited but that's what makes it so intense, it's so - confused. I can't really figure it out. I'm excited about what's to be seen there, not just the desert and cacti, but in the Kingdom of God. But I'm also incredibly scared that I'll fall in love with the place and God will call me there. I understand that if God calls me there, being there is being in His goodness. But, I can't imagine being away from my family. And my church. And my friends. And Texas. It's especially scary when I think about my nephews and nieces. Two new ones on the way and I'd potentially be 14 hours away. I feel like this is what Jesus was referring to when He talked about hating family in order to follow Him. Honestly, right now I'm nowhere near there. I am at least praying that He'll communicate clearly with me next week no matter what He wants to say. I'm scared as hell, but I want the Lord and nothing else. The strange thing here is that I don't really have any sense that God is moving me toward Tucson. I'm just afraid He might.
Separate from the loss of half of my face, I'm headed to Tucson, AZ friday to work with some church planters there. I got that "excited/scared" feeling. Like 98% excited, 2% scared. Or maybe it's more. It could be, it could be 98% scared, 2% excited but that's what makes it so intense, it's so - confused. I can't really figure it out. I'm excited about what's to be seen there, not just the desert and cacti, but in the Kingdom of God. But I'm also incredibly scared that I'll fall in love with the place and God will call me there. I understand that if God calls me there, being there is being in His goodness. But, I can't imagine being away from my family. And my church. And my friends. And Texas. It's especially scary when I think about my nephews and nieces. Two new ones on the way and I'd potentially be 14 hours away. I feel like this is what Jesus was referring to when He talked about hating family in order to follow Him. Honestly, right now I'm nowhere near there. I am at least praying that He'll communicate clearly with me next week no matter what He wants to say. I'm scared as hell, but I want the Lord and nothing else. The strange thing here is that I don't really have any sense that God is moving me toward Tucson. I'm just afraid He might.
posted by Britt Norvell at 11:56 PM
2 Comments:
i often battle the "what-ifs" and this is always a loosing struggle.
"what ifs" are a huge waste of time and can get me anxious in .2 seconds flat. i know b/c i deal with this ALL the time. "what ifs" are not our friends.
go. have a blast. see it all. then come back to Texas and process it after the fact and rest in the fact that God will let you know in His way and has it charted out. you have fun.
remind me on wednesday to give you something for the journey. i am likely to forget.
pepe
Hey Britt,
You may already be back fro Tuscon, but I'm going to pray that what God gives you as far as this location thing and church palnting will be what you want.
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