APRIL FOOL!

Arcade Fire

I cannot get enough of these guys. Their new album, Neon Bible, is most excellent.

My New, Old Face and the Desert

The picture posted below is what I look like right now. First time I've seen my face in somewhere around two years. It happened Friday night. Went in to have a trim (which involves going into the bathroom to give myself a trim) and came out without much left. At first I was pretty freaked out. I kept having to remind myself that prior to growing a beard no one thought I looked like some sort of gargoyle. Now, though, I kinda like it. I'm sure that we haven't seen the last of Red Beard. However, Red Beard was apparently looked ugly, unhappy, overweight, and old. At least, that's what I have deduced from the constant comments on how young, skinny, happy, handsome, etc. I now look after the cut. But at this point it's alright by me. At least, I look like what I really am and have always been.

Separate from the loss of half of my face, I'm headed to Tucson, AZ friday to work with some church planters there. I got that "excited/scared" feeling. Like 98% excited, 2% scared. Or maybe it's more. It could be, it could be 98% scared, 2% excited but that's what makes it so intense, it's so - confused. I can't really figure it out. I'm excited about what's to be seen there, not just the desert and cacti, but in the Kingdom of God. But I'm also incredibly scared that I'll fall in love with the place and God will call me there. I understand that if God calls me there, being there is being in His goodness. But, I can't imagine being away from my family. And my church. And my friends. And Texas. It's especially scary when I think about my nephews and nieces. Two new ones on the way and I'd potentially be 14 hours away. I feel like this is what Jesus was referring to when He talked about hating family in order to follow Him. Honestly, right now I'm nowhere near there. I am at least praying that He'll communicate clearly with me next week no matter what He wants to say. I'm scared as hell, but I want the Lord and nothing else. The strange thing here is that I don't really have any sense that God is moving me toward Tucson. I'm just afraid He might.

Sayin' Sorries

So, I realize, as was pointed out to me by ICN, that my last post may have been a bit over the top. I guess the use of the double-F word was a bit much. I was just greatly enfuriated by said man in said truck with said sticker. I probably should have been a bit gentler. If I offended, my sincerest apologies, and the post is now edited and sort of safer for the whole family.

Bad Ass Boys, Drive Dumb Ass Toys

I saw a sticker similar to this on the way home from class today. It was on the back of a Dodge Ram. The only difference was that the ram head on the sticker I saw was colored like the Confederate flag. I've seen this sticker on campus here at Conservative U once before. My reaction then was the same as it was today. "What a SHITHEAD! I think I might throw a rock through that window. Yeah. That's a great idea." Luckily, neither time have I actually shattered the window, but damn it, I sure wanted to.

Look. I'm by no means an expert on global warming nor am an environmental saint with my 8 year old SUV that slowly leaks oil constantly. I'm working on it though. I tend to be somewhat compassionate on the big truck driving folks around our lovely community and university. My roommate is not so compassionate on them. It's quite funny. Last Earth Day he and I were sitting outside at Terazzo's here in town having some wine with some friends. Every time one of the countless barely street-legal monster trucks drove by Ian yelled, "Happy Earth Day!" or "Why don't you drive your big ass truck off a big ass cliff, you ----face." or some equivalent. OK. I made the second one up. Actually, it was similar to what I wanted to yell at Mr. Haulin' Ass today. That poor guy must have a tiny -----.

Demos, Coffee, and Lies

Tonight Ian recorded some demos in the dining room as I sat on the couch listening and doing some reading. We drank some coffee, I out of a coffee cup I apparently paid a quarter for at a thrift shop (as evidenced by the ".25" written in permanent marker on the bottom of the glass), Ian out of a pint glass. I'm continually impressed by his ability as a songwriter and a musician. I need more evenings like this one. It was a fitting end to a day that began with a much needed breakfast conversation with my friend Mark. I think I need Mark. I think I need to learn how to interact with the Lord the way he does. This morning he pointed to some things in me that I've been feeling for a while and have been unable to realize. In our community meeting this week I made a statement to the effect of, "I'm naturally a sad person." This morning Mark told me he almost responded to that statement with "That's a fucking lie!" I'm really glad he didn't say that then. I probably would have shat myself. He basically said as much this morning, although a bit more gentle and affirming. And I realized as he was sharing this with me, that he was speaking the word of the Lord to me. While I may have a natural bent towards melancholy or depression due to being born in a dead body, the Spirit of the Lord is not that. It is love and joy and peace--three things I have felt little of in a while. And, unfortunately, the Spirit's something with which I feel no familiarity and have very little sense of how to find my way back. But I get the sense that Mark does. I have fallen into agreement with the lie that I am some things I am not and for my very life I've got to find a way to separate break that agreement. So I think I need Mark. And I think I need Ian. Something in watching both of them do what they do well shines hope into the fog I've made my bed in.